I’ll See Your Selfless and Raise You an Altruistic

When last I blogged, I was venting my ire at Mommybloggers who were discussing how angry the on-line childfree community is.  Or, at least the small bits and pieces of the childfree community they happened upon one afternoon.

In my research regarding the video that started this whole thing, I read some of the blog written by one of the Mommybloggers involved in the “momversation” about the childfree.  In her blog entry about the video, she refers to “bringing a life into the world and nurturing it” as selfless.  Um, no.  Sorry.  I’m going to have to disagree with that assessment, as did one of her commenters, whereupon the blogger attempted to clarify her claim somewhat by saying that she “wouldn’t get 13 stitches in my yaw-yaw for nothing.  ”

The common definition of selfless is “having little or no regard for oneself.”  A woman chooses to get pregnant because she desires to be a mother.  How is that having little or no regard for oneself?  She’s doing exactly what she wants to do and doing it for no one (save her spouse, perhaps) except herself.  A woman who chooses to have a child may have to endure some not-so-pleasant side effects (painful labor and childbirth, an episiotomy and the resultant stitches, a cesarean, gestational diabetes, or even death due to something such as eclampsia), but she does so willingly because she knows (or certainly should know) that those are the requirements/possibilities that go with having a child.  A child that she chooses to have because she wants to be a mother.

And while I do believe that adoption is certainly a more altruistic method of becoming a parent (providing a loving home to a child in need of one), even that choice involves someone adopting a child because s/he wants to be a parent.

Another problem with this “parents are so selfless” propaganda is that it fuels the “childfree are so selfish” bullshit.  Choosing to remain childfree is not selfish and, depending upon the reasons someone chooses the childfree path or what the childfree person does with his/her life, it’s quite possible that the childfree choice is more altruistic than becoming a parent.

Interestingly, in delving into the definition of selflessness and altruism, I stumbled upon The American Heritage Science Dictionary definition for altruism:

Instinctive cooperative behavior that is detrimental or without reproductive benefit to the individual but that contributes to the survival of the group to which the individual belongs. The willingness of a subordinate member of a wolf pack to forgo mating and help care for the dominant pair’s pups is an example of altruistic behavior. While the individual may not reproduce, or may reproduce less often, its behavior helps ensure that a close relative does successfully reproduce, thus passing on a large share of the altruistic individual’s genetic material.

Ha.  Kind of funny, no?

If you’re interested in reading the opinions of some other childfree people with regard to the momversation video, check these out when you get a chance:

The Confused Dildo

The Childless By Choice Project

No Pasa Nada

Available Light

Mental Meatloaf

Crossposted from EriePressible