That’s right. I don’t believe women can have it all…at least a lot of women can’t and, guess what? It’s their own damned fault.
Since time immemorial, men have been able to have both careers and families, with little or no problem whatsoever. Women, however, not so much. Women have a much harder time juggling a career and a family. Why is that?
Let me ’splain it to you, Lucy. You see, the men who can easily juggle work and family are, for the most part, the men who have wives (ergo family) or ex-wives…but still, someone to take care of the kids. The wife/mother has historically been responsible for taking care of the home and the children, leaving the husband/father free to focus on his career, bringing home the bacon, and limited household chores like auto and lawn maintenance. He rarely had to take time off work because the kids were sick, daycare was closed due to a snowstorm, the babysitter called in sick, the kids had dentist appointments, or to attend parent-teacher conferences. These tasks were all the duties of the wife/mother.
Then feminism came along and women decided, rightly so, that they should be able to have a career and a family, too. Let me stress that I agree with this.
However, many women sabotage themselves by virtue of their choice of partners.
I am constantly reading studies, articles, blog posts, etc. that discuss the fact that married women spend more time working around the house than their male partners and that women are still the responsible for the majority of the child care duties (staying home from work when the kids are sick, attending the parent-teacher conferences, making the medical appointments for the children and then taking them to those appointments, helping the the kids with their homework, packing their lunches, etc.).
Now, given this knowledge, is it any wonder that employers would prefer to hire men and women who don’t have children? I don’t understand who could possibly blame an employer for wanting to hire the most qualified AND the most reliable employees. It seems like a no-brainer to me.
Now, here’s where I get really pissed off at other women: Why are women marrying and/or having children with men who are not willing to take on half of the childcare responsibilities? Because if they did partner with men willing to do their fair share, then perhaps the difference in reliability between men with children and women with children wouldn’t be nearly as glaring.
As I wrote back in October of 2007, when we discuss this topic, we have to consider the Martyr Factor – that many women take on the majority of the responsibilities around the house and especially with regard to the children, in addition to working outside the home, because they either want to be able to kvetch about how much they do or because they don’t trust their partners to manage these tasks to their specifications. In both of those scenarios, who is to blame?
Here’s my big question to the women who feel their spouses/partners are not pulling their weight around the house/with the childcare duties: Did you discuss these matters with your husband before you got married and/or had children?
Until women can choose partners who are willing to be equals in all ways, then no, ladies, you can’t have it all, and I’m not sure why this comes as a surprise to anyone.
